I’ve been thinking a lot about refusing, saying no, and leaving. Declining, opting out. Knowing yourself (and what you currently need) well enough to avoid the commitment to begin with, and also giving yourself enough grace to remove yourself from the situation later, even if you already offered your ‘yes’.
The other day, I adamantly joked that I refused to admit something. With emphasis, I split the word into two pronounced syllables and dramatically said:
“I. RE. FUSE!”
You know how sometimes you say or use a word so often that it starts to take on a different meaning, or you begin wondering if you’re saying or spelling it correctly? That happened with refuse. I originally meant - in saying the word - that I was most definitely not going to admit that I was wrong. I refused to admit it. But then I thought about the other pronunciations and uses of the same spelling of a word:
Refuse, verb (reject, to say ‘no thank you’) [ree-FYOOZ]
Refuse, noun (waste, scraps, garbage) [REF-yooss]
Re-fuse (recalibrate, reset)
In electronics and electrical engineering, a fuse is an electrical safety device that provides protection of an electrical circuit. It is created to melt when too much current flows through it, which then interrupts the current. We generally refer to fuses as having “blown”, and now after learning that the fuse has a ribbon that melts, I’d like to petition that we start instead saying, “I melted a fuse.”
It’s interesting to me that we use the word FUSE as something that provides protection and interrupts danger, and also use it to describe the blending (or melting) together of multiple particles or items (think of fusing tape in the sewing world).
Re-fusing in that sense seems to be a new commitment, a re-up of your prior decision, or a touch-up to deepen the initial intention to join, blend, protect.
To then also use the word refuse to say you will not do something, or to decline from accepting something, feels like the opposite of what I want in my life.
If FUSE provides protection and interrupts danger, then wouldn’t I say “I fuse”?
*these thoughts brought to you by the letter I (for incomplete)
AWAY :: TOWARD
… my contribution to the In/Out trend (*inspired by
):Away:
Over-consumption (food, social media, purchases)
Lack of trust in the process
Misalignment
Over-analyzing
Old stories
Excuses
Scattered attention
Withheld info
Toward:
Devotion (to self, to body)
My own thought leadership and expertise
Showing up in the exact right rooms
Deep, deep knowing
Full-fledged choices and decisions
Niche and focused dedication
Radically transparent communication
RECENTLY FEATURED:
has begun a deeply beautiful series called Midwest Crisis and I’m honored to be the first feature. This interview provided an opportunity for me to share some deeply personal decisions and realities about our decision to leave Nebraska.Steph Barron Hall recently had me on the Enneagram IRL podcast to talk about workplace transitions and how the different enneagram types might navigate those related changes.
Amy Ragland also featured my work in her recent How I Freelance article, and asked which industry advice I agree with vs. what I disagree with!
OTHER THINGS:
Word of the Year: Delight, delight, delight (with a side of “swoon”!). Read my article that reviews my 2023 word of the year, and shares more about Delight, and listen to my “work in progress” playlist for Delight.
LinkedIn: Minda Harts on trust in the workplace (are we connected yet on LinkedIn?)
Leaving Well Podcast: I’m really proud of Season One of the Leaving Well podcast. If you’ve also loved one episode (or all of them), would you please leave a review or consider “buying me a decaf coffee” or two to support the production costs of the episodes?
Listen now to the most recent three BEAUTIFUL episodes:
Yanique Redwood on Breaking the Rules, Taking Care of the Stayers, and Leaving Well
Robert Pardi on Death, Possibility in Action, and Leaving Well
Watching: Whew - have you seen American Fiction? I bought tickets to Origin for this upcoming week, and I’m here to be gutted in the way these films deliver.
Reading:
Other random things I’m loving: this decaf coffee, these dresses have become my new work uniform, and I swear my daily habit of using this gua sha set reduces my chronic illness flare-ups (use this link for 20% off!)
🧡 What are you up to today, this week, this month? What are you moving away from or towards? What are you refusing, or fusing?