On Kindness
(and other thoughts on what I believe)
Remember to be kind:
As I walk Mia down the driveway every morning for school, the last two things I say to her are "I love you" and "Remember to be kind"
We all have that ONE moment where we can either be snarky or kind. Turn away, or be kind. Ignore something or be kind. Walk past, or be kind. Wrinkle up our nose or be kind. Pretend we didn't hear the ask for help or be kind. Be curt in a response or be kind. Gossip or be kind.
Kindness doesn't have to be BIG.
It can be super small and seemingly insignificant. It can be waving to someone first. It can be asking your server/cashier if they're having a good day. It can be waiting 5 extra seconds to hold the door for someone walking behind you. It can be sending a quick text message to someone to say "You have a great smile, and I miss you!" It can be digging out that roll of stamps and sending a scribbled note to a friend you haven't seen in awhile. It can be leaving $5 more of a tip the next time you eat out (with a note of appreciation left written on the bill).
It can be choosing not to respond to that email until you've had a moment to realize it wasn't personal. It can be turning up the music and bebopping while you drive, because I guarantee you another driver who sees you acting silly will smile, and you’ll make their day. It can be ripping out a magazine article that reminds you of someone or something, and sending them a quick phone capture of it. It can be choosing to do something that lets people know they matter.
It can be simply listening.
It can be doing the dishes first, remembering to wipe out the sink, making both sides of the bed, leaving a note in their suitcase when they leave for the next business trip, encouraging a new family at school to come to the next event, or inviting your new colleague to lunch.
Kindness shouldn't be done with a megaphone. it should be done from a place of humbleness, quietness, humility and helpfulness. It should be our default. Our go-to. Our normal.
We're human, so we can't be perfect all of the time, but we CAN be kind all of the time. I firmly believe that.
*the above was originally written September 2, 2016 when we lived in Loudoun County, Virginia
Other things I believe:
I believe in teaching your children how to cook and do their own laundry. 😅
I believe in knowing what your strengths are and flaunting them. I believe there is nothing wrong with claiming your status as a badass. I also believe strongly in knowing what you need to work on and going after some character and leadership development with gusto.
I believe in healthy arguments, where both sides can share their opinions without feeling that their thoughts aren’t valid. I believe there is often very little between a debate and an argument, and that emotions don’t always serve as a judge of which of the two you may be having.
I believe in the power of music. I believe in the power that it holds for those who study it and perform it. I believe in the power of the situation change it can bring to those who partake in listening to it.
I believe in putting your foot down and saying “no” when you mean it AND not inviting people back into your space when they don’t listen to your “no.”
I believe in the power of my voice. I have things to say that no one else has the experience to speak on. I equally believe in the importance of the ability to listen.
I believe that handwritten letters are magic.
What do you believe?
Favorites + Things to Share
*For some links, I will earn a small commission if you click and purchase
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that one of my tricks to my current commute life is Instacart. Having groceries delivered as I travel between client work - both in my commute location and at home for my daughter while I’m away. If you haven’t tried it, but would like to, use my code N47F2C at checkout for $10 off of your delivery of $50.
Thanks to the brilliance of Monica Chavez (my god, have you SEEN Monica’s home library?), I recently purchased this steamer after watching her magically clean her oven. I just had to have one and do the same. It’s SO easy.
Have you seen Origin yet? After seeing it in the theater on premier night, I ordered a second copy of Caste (for annotating) and Deep South (a new-to-me book). So, so incredibly powerful:
Caste on Amazon | Caste on Bookshop
Deep South on Amazon | Deep South on Bookshop
Leaving Well Newsletter: My recent Leaving Well newsletter explores conflict and kindness in the workplace. While I don’t ever feel like I have enough space to fully flesh out my thoughts in these newsletters, I’d love for you to read it if the topic intrigues you. I’m going to keep my substack newsletters a bit more personal, and will keep the workplace transition content separate - for the most part.
Leaving Well book recommendations:
Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler
Radical Candor, Kim Scott
Leaving Well Listening: I was recently invited on Sarita Hartz’s podcast to share my thoughts about living outside your passport country, and the process of leaving well. We talked about the responsibility and duty of organizations (and that I don’t actually believe the onus is on the individual) for making workplace transitions better.
Substackers I’m currently loving:
This Page is a Portal by Journal As Altar
From Streets to Scholarship by Terence Lester
Until next time, I believe in you!
Thank you. ❤️
💛💛💛💛